insomnia.

When I was a baby, my parents took me to my first check up and the doctor panicked. He said, "how often are you feeding her?! She isn't gaining enough weight." My mom replied, "Well, I just feed her when she wakes up. She sleeps a lot."

I slept all. the. time. They had to start waking me up (you are never supposed to wake a sleeping baby, or so I hear) to feed me. If it was dark outside, I was asleep. Forget those sleepless nights for my parents, those didn't come until Zachary came along. If the sun went down at 5:00, so did I.

Which brings me to now. I'm still ready for bed super early. Tonight I was in bed, with the lights out, at 9:30. What happens is that...

1) I am stressed. I like to play off that school isn't that hard for me, and it's not. College sucked big time because chemistry and biochem were like taking Mandarin Chinese lessons for me, but otherwise I've been blessed as far as learning goes. It's always come pretty easy. However, being in nursing school means that I have to worry about and take boards at the end of the year, and that terrifies me. I didn't do great (understatement) on the MCAT, which was the last big test that meant something about my life. Doing poorly changed the entire course of my life. What if I don't pass boards? I can't change my entire life again, nor do I want to do so. I actually like nursing.

2) My brother listens to weird stuff all night. I love my brother dearly, but seriously, it's weird stuff. Like video game soundtracks or something. I know what you're saying, "just close your door." Can't--I get claustrophobic in a room with the door shut. No one in my family sleeps with their door shut. Nick tries to (which would alleviate the weird music thing), but since he has epilepsy I like to be able to hear if he is having a seizure (which has happened more than once).

3) Bella still wakes up in the middle of the night. I'm a really light sleeper, so the minute she jumps off my mom's bed (yes, she will not sleep with me), I'm awake. I feel as if this bodes well for my maternal instincts, but it's so annoying.

4) Sometimes I have to get up for clinicals at 4:00 A.M. If that was the case, I'd be up for the day right now. However, I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW and I'm still awake. 

It's no wonder I'm awake for an hour or two every night in the middle of the night. I'm going on an hour and a half right now and I'm really annoyed. I thought I'd been sleeping better since I'd been working out, but that my friends is a falsehood.


Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone take anything for this problem? I'm thinking of trying out melatonin since it's more natural than other things OTC. There unfortunately isn't a solution for shutting your brain off, except maybe meditation, but I've never been good at sitting still. And my brain never shuts off.