careers & such

If you look at my "school" book (a book of lists that detail everything from my height to who the president was each year and everything in between), my "career choices" from kindergarten to third grade were to be a librarian or a teacher. To be honest with you, I would still be a librarian if I had the choice.

Mostly because I imagine I could sit around and read Harry Potter all day. Don't judge.

Fine you can judge if you want to, but only if you have actually read Harry Potter. If you haven't, I judge you.

Pretty much after 3rd grade, every entry in that book where it says "What I want to be when I grow up," says "A Doctor!", and every single day until I was about 21 years old and 245 days old (this is an estimate) I would have told you "I want to be a doctor." I feel like for my entire life, until I was 21 years and 245 days old, I was a decisive person.

"William Jewell College or University of Missouri?" Mizzou.
"Soccer or track?" Definitely soccer.
"Date this guy or don't?" Don't.
"Study be to a doctor or explore other options?" Study to be a doctor.

In some ways, my blind ambition has hurt me in life. I never explored any other options during college. While most students are taking random classes their freshman year, I was already pigeonholed into biology because I took so many dual credit classes going into college that I was credit-hour wise a sophomore when I got there. So I met everyone on my dorm floor who were all either pre-med or pre-dental and there was no way I was going to explore other options when everyone else only talked about how they were going to be some sort of doctor and I got swept up in that excitement. This continued on until I got the results from this bad boy:

Ugh. Nightmare. I still have PTSD. I sat on my bed and cried and cried and cried because I studied my ass off for six months for this stupid thing and I still did horrible. So then I half-ass studied for two more months and took it again, to gain a measly three more points on my next one. I cried some more and then the next day and called my mom on my 21 year and 246th day of life and told her,

"I don't want to be a doctor."

She told me I was being dramatic and that I could still apply, so I did, and then I didn't get in, and I said again,

"I don't want to be a doctor."


It was scary to say those words. It was scary to admit something I had wanted for so long wasn't something I wanted anymore. It was scary to have people telling me I was making a big mistake, that I was giving up.

source

After I'd been saying this for about nine months, I guess people started to believe me, and I had to decide what I wanted to do with my life. Trust me, this isn't easy after all you've wanted to do for 13 years of your life is be a doctor. After a lot of conversations with Sam, my parents, my friends, strangers on the street, etc, I decided to go back to nursing school. I know what you're thinking..."what a jump from doctoring to nursing" and I get the skepticism. Whatever. I like nursing. I love it, actually. Mostly I love my unit. I get along with my coworkers, I love the babies, etc. It's hard, it's challenging, and mentally and physically exhausting most days.

I suppose the point of this rambling post is that you don't have to know what you want every single day of your life. You're allowed to change your mind, and go for different things, even if it's something that you've wanted for a very long time. It doesn't have to be because you failed (which is only part of the reason I changed my mind), and it doesn't matter what other people think. If I had a dollar for every time I thought someone was disappointed or looked down on me because I changed career paths, I would have at least $200. I don't care. It's not their lives, ya know?

So now you all know why I'm a nurse, and why it was absolutely the right decision for me. Three day work weeks are just an added bonus.