an open letter to st. louis drivers

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dearest residents of st. louis,

I'm a reasonable person. I am.

Unfortunately, this reasonableness flies out the window when I am forced to deal with the majority of you on the road. Who taught you all how to drive?

The main issues I have while I'm out and about:

Tailgating. Today I was minding my own business on Highway 40, trucking along a few miles above the speed limit (I won't tell you exactly how much faster I was going because my parents read this blog from time to time). Apparently exceeding the speed limit by more than a few mph over wasn't quite fast enough for this gentleman (using this word VERY graciously), and he decided the best thing to do was drive so close behind me that I couldn't even see the tops of his headlights.

First of all, I have a new car. I inspect said car for scratches every.single.time I drive it, so you best believe if you rear-end me I will become your worst nightmare. Second of all, there are at LEAST three lanes on 40 when you're in the city. PASS ME if you think I'm going too slow. Don't continue to tailgate me after I've brake checked you (twice) and then proceed to use vile gestures and flail your arms around. I'm not impressed, and I'm definitely not going to go faster or get over to make your life easier.


The on ramp from Hanley Road in Brentwood. I need to find the engineer who designed this hell on earth and give him a piece of my mind. Imagine, for just an instant. You take two of the busiest highways in the city and intersect them. Then, you add a screwy on ramp from a busy little shopping area...and choose the next exit down the highway (about 1/4 of a mile down the highway) to end one of your lanes. Now, drivers of St. Louis, I realize poor design is not your fault. Do you know what IS your fault? The fact that you do not get over for people who are trying to merge onto the highway. In KC, we will practically run the car over in the next lane trying to get over for people merging onto the highway. I don't appreciate the fact that you glare at me while I'm trying to dodge your car because you can't be bothered to get over.

There is a speed limit. That means that you don't have to drive 35 miles per hour on the highway, you can drive 60.

Times when it is acceptable to slow down significantly (this is not a complete list):

• Accidents. 
• Blizzards.
• The roads are icy. 
• It's raining so hard you cannot see.
• Fog is so dense you can barely see the front of your car.

Times when it is not acceptable to slow down significantly (this is not a complete list):

• It is sprinkling.

The left lane is for passing. Now, I feel like I need to generalize this to the state of Missouri, particularly those who traverse the state on I-70. If you are going to drive 5 under, please allow those who don't want to take 6 hours to drive from Kansas City to St. Louis to pass you in the left lane.

Yellow lights mean slow down, they don't mean stop. Self explanatory.

Stop signs mean STOP. It's not a casual roll through! There is a four way stop in front of our apartment building and people blow right through it half the time.


While this is not a complete list of my grievances with you, St. Louis drivers, it is the majority. Please, go back to whatever driving school you attended and ask for additional lessons. It will save me from becoming a hermit and/or walking everywhere.


yours truly,
molly